Humor - Church

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human, because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small.
The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
The teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was impossible.
The little girl said, When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah.
The teacher asked, What if Jonah went to hell?
The little girl replied, Then you ask him.

A father was at the beach with his children when the four-year old son ran up to him, grabbed his hand, and led him to the shore, where a seagull lay dead in the sand.
Daddy, what happened to him? the son asked.
He died and went to Heaven, the dad replied.
The boy thought a moment and then said,
Did God throw him back down?

After the church service, a little boy told the pastor,
When I grow up, I am going to give you some money.
Well, thank you, the pastor replied, but why?
Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers we've ever had.


Two boys were walking home from Sunday school after hearing strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other, "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad."

A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late! Dear Lord, please don't let me be late!" While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again. As she ran she once again began to pray, "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late...But please don't shove me either!"

A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"

A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church, "And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied, "Because people are sleeping."

Sunday School teacher asked her class why Joseph and Mary took Jesus with them to Jerusalem. A small child replied "They couldn't get a baby sitter."

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went.
Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered,
"If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"